Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy

-Theodore Roosevelt

This is an offering to anyone who is burdened by comparison like I am.

When we are comparing ourselves to others, our reality to what we wish it would be, or even our current selves to a past version that we perceived as better, we are missing the present moment and creating more pain for ourselves. I find I am doing this a lot these days and I wonder if you might be as well. If so, this is for you:

Telling myself not to compare is futile. Comparison is happening to us before the moment we take our first breaths. At birth, our body measurements categorize us into percentiles, our earliest months are met with pediatrician’s appointments to gauge our development, and this continues throughout our formative years until we graduate. We walk in a procession, sashes and cords around our necks, indicating where we fall amongst our peers according to our GPAs. While this way of measuring progress serves a purpose, it keeps us grinding and pushing ahead while also checking over our shoulders to see who’s catching up. It forms a pattern of existence that prevents us from being present to ourselves in each moment.

In addition to comparing myself with others I can do a whole other thing where I lose the moment because what is actually happening doesn’t match my picture of how I thought it should happen. My imagination often creates, in elaborate detail, a plan of some anticipated event. It can be as minute as a dinner out with friends or as involved as a long anticipated vacation. When I have a picture in my mind of how I think something should go and reality doesn’t match my picture, it can remove me from the moment in which I am living and plunge me into dissatisfaction, judgment, and even despair. I have missed moments of my life that were precious (or even just regular) because they were different than I had planned.

Yet, the most powerful way comparison is stealing my joy these days is when I compare myself to my own self. I am getting dressed and I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, my legs, my hips, my waist, ”Whose body is this”? I am trail running in my favorite meadow and the voice kicks in, “We are going pretty slow, eh? Remember how fast you used to do this run in?” Posts on Facebook of my friends celebrating their anniversaries, “This would’ve been your 25th anniversary too if you wouldn’t have left your marriage, Jayne”. It’s a sucker punch and it doubles me over every time, stealing my joy and robbing me from the moment.

Breathe.

Doubled over is your wake up call to breathe Jayne.

Breathe.

I imagine how I would feel if I believed everything was perfect and that I am perfectly imperfect. I use the tools that I teach my clients about non-attachment and I channel all of that wisdom for myself. I choose to embody the highest, most loving and conscious version of myself to say, “Today, this is what it is. In this moment, this is who I am. Everything is as it should be. I have no fight with reality. I thank my legs for carrying me, my body for holding this eternal spirit, and my younger self for the strength it took to free me from a relationship that no longer served.” This practice shifts me into gratitude that I get a chance to be on this planet right now.

For me, being in the present moment is a requirement to experiencing joy. When I notice that I am in comparison I can make a choice to stay in that low state of being, or bring loving acceptance to myself. If I can accept where I am I may be able to send love to that other person or my idealized picture of what reality should be…and move on. It’s about observing what comparison is doing to myself and the people I am with and making a conscious decision to move away from it in order to reduce my suffering, increase my joy, and show up to my beautiful (non-idealized) real friends and family.