Being Wise And Wild

Presently, in my psyche I am being ruled by several bosses; Wise Woman and Wild Woman dominate, while a third, Dutiful Woman lingers in the shadows. These three are just the few that I will name today, but to be clear, there are many more voices at the table. At times these parts of myself are at odds with one another, and I'm wondering who will win, yet I don’t believe one should win while another should lose as these are all pieces of me. My work is to integrate all of these parts as I mature and ideally they all can influence, inform one another, and ultimately co-exist so I can live my fullest life. It requires me to look upon each part with curiosity and non-judgment so I can lovingly become a more integrated human being. Let me introduce them to you:

Wise Woman has been the Ruler of my life for the last several years and has been doing it quite well. She has guided my decisions and gut feelings to move me toward projects and relationships that are aligned with my life’s purpose. Wise has been like a night light, an anchor,and a fulcrum. She always has my back and hasn’t let me down yet. I call upon her to remind me of who I am and to aid me in guiding others on their paths.  She is a steady and stabilizing force.  Most of my clients know me as her even though she is only a part of me that I project in the world, especially in my work as a therapist. 

Wild Woman has recently returned to me after I banished her for almost 25 years for causing too many problems.  She is fun and spontaneous, sensual and passionate. She takes what she wants when she wants it in a bold, unapologetic and responsible way, not like she did in my younger years when she mostly ran the show. In my younger years, she was more reckless and  I couldn’t figure out how to be a “good person” with her in charge as I had no role modeling or guidance for her.  I couldn’t find a good and wise wild woman anywhere to direct me and I have no ill will toward my midwestern conservative Lutheran upbringing, but it was evident they weren't sure what to do with the Wild. It made sense to put another part of me, Dutiful, at the helm when I was in my early twenties for life to progress in the direction I desired. She could maintain more order and control.  

Dutiful helped me make a wonderful home for my family, support my husband in his professional goals, and build a career where I could still be the primary parent for my children. It fit all of the traditional gender-rolled values I had been raised with and afforded us a lifestyle that we wanted to provide for our family.  She ruled and kept order until a desire so deep within me to live this life and feel pleasure, create beauty and seek deeper meaning prevailed. I stumbled upon this quote by Carl Jung and it helped me dismiss Dutiful from her rulership; The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parent. By my mid forties I realized I had put aside passion and desire for an orderly and responsible existence and it would not benefit my kids as I had imagined, but rather it would hinder them.

To be clear,  Dutiful gets things done and she needed to live out what she felt she must in order for the Wise Woman in me to emerge. Wild Woman needed Wise Woman to reign for a bit so she could come into the picture with freedom and lack of inhibition. I had to know the rules before I could break them. These three power houses balance each other out in a way that I can live fully. In moments, even this week, these parts of me appear to contradict one another and yet upon closer examination, they could not exist without one another. My work is to listen and let each inform me to be my whole self. 

This is a microcosm of our world right now.  Our differences and separateness are being highlighted in many ways. We can point our fingers at others that seem to be opposing us or we can see that their very existence differentiates them from us in such a way that it clarifies and distinguishes us to help us see a fuller expression of the Divine. We are all a part of the whole and the places we rub up against and challenge each other might be our most important places of learning and growth. We are all connected and sharing this planet, and I imagine how much healing and growth could happen if we could listen to the differing  voices with curiosity and non-judgment learning something from one another, making room for each person. Let’s begin with ourselves so we can offer it to others.