Wicked Ideas

Last week, I saw Wicked in the theater. During the scene with the "Great and Powerful Oz," I was struck anew by how Jeff Goldblum, just an ordinary guy, walked out from behind the intimidating animatronic façade. It made me consider again the illusions we have collectively bought into and allowed to shape our lives.  What ideas and concepts could we choose to reject or overcome?

And there it was again, right in my face: Our beliefs about aging and beauty. Yesterday, I was at a clothing swap with some of my closest friends—strong, beautiful, powerful women who truly see me and share the vulnerabilities of our lives. We exchanged clothes we no longer loved, giving each other’s old items a second life. It was a lovely experience, and I hope we make it a tradition.

Throughout the day, as we swapped clothes, we also undressed in front of one another. As women do, we talked about parts of our bodies we wish were different—tighter tummies, firmer thighs, and so on. We shared thoughts on the changes in our 50-year-old bodies, and the conversation was full of grace and support. Still, it made me reflect on how society shapes our ideas of beauty and a flicker of anger burned within me. 

Who got to decide what was beautiful and how can that be okay to keep the vast majority of humans out of that category? We’ve made youth an idol, elevating it above aging. We’ve all seen images of the “perfect” body, and those who don’t fit that mold are often labeled unacceptable, ugly, or no longer relevant. The anti-aging industry, worth billions, thrives because it convinces us that aging is wrong and must be fought.

This made me think of The Wizard of Oz, where society worships the powerful, mysterious Oz. Yet when we peek behind the curtain, we find it’s just a small man pulling levers and creating an illusion. Could the same be true for our societal obsession with youth and beauty? What if it’s all an illusion we’ve agreed upon? What if, by rejecting this belief, I could stand in front of a mirror and say, “This is beautiful”? Could that shift be powerful for me and those I work with?

As a counselor, I see many beautiful people come into my office, dissatisfied with their bodies. We vulnerably share that this struggle is universal. Imagine the energy we could free up if we stopped fighting a battle we can never win—the constant fight against aging. If we stopped fearing it, we might find peace in simply being.

At 50, I’m at a point where I will never be "young" again. If I continue to elevate youth as the ideal and fear aging, it feels hopeless. But if I let go of the belief that youth is more valuable than aging, I can see the future as a privilege and a gift. I can be grateful for the body that has carried me through half a century, for all the pleasure and joy it has allowed me to experience. May aging become something not to fear—but to embrace.