Listen

Communication moves in two directions, even when one person speaks and another listens silently.  When the listener is totally present, the speaker often communicates differently.  Most people aren’t used to being fully heard and it can be jarring for them. - Rick Rubin

When someone walks into my therapy room they will not be guaranteed healing, transformation or relief from their suffering.  I cannot promise to save a marriage, heal destructive patterns or make their lives run more smoothly.  What I can guarantee is that I will be a safe person who listens while refraining from judgment or criticism so that I can be fully present with them while they are in my care.

I offer solutions and suggestions to my clients. I direct them and actually tell them ver batim, even sometimes, what to say.  I take them out of their self loathing and rutted patterns and put them on higher ground in order to live a fuller life and decrease their suffering. I am a directional therapist who doesn’t sit passively on the sidelines while my clients suffer and hope they will find their own solutions to their problems. I teach and direct and show people the ways that their patterns aren’t serving them.

However, I do all of this only after I have first listened.  Really listened.  The gift of sharing one’s own story while another holds it is the gift of a therapeutic relationship.  I recently heard that the therapy room has, by and large, replaced Confession in religion.  This resonated with me.  I often feel like my office serves as a confessional of sorts.  I wonder sometimes if we were in close connection in our relationships and actually listening without judgment if we as a society might seek less therapy.

The following description of listening gave me chills and created a benchmark I am aiming for all of the time now:

~Formulating an opinion is not listening. Neither is preparing a response, or defending our position or attacking another’s. To listen impatiently is to hear nothing at all.

~Listening is suspending disbelief

~We are openly receiving. Paying attention with no preconceived ideas.  The only goal is to fully and clearly understand what is being transmitted, remaining totally present with what’s being expressed and allowing it to be what it is.

May you find a good listener to hold the sacredness of your story and experience and may you be that witness for someone else as well.